How to Talk to Your Spouse Who Says You Work Too Much

Strong marriages and relationships require attention from both partners. This balance of attention to spouse versus earning a living or furthering your career can be difficult to find. And, once you have found a balance that works in your relationship, things change and you have to find the balance again.

Why do some people overwork? The Overworking Spouse may be under considerable stress on the job, or may have a boss that demands long hours. Or maybe there are layoffs coming up and the less productive workers are the first to go. Maybe one partner has to work long hours just to support the family. On the other hand, the overworking spouse may be strongly identifying with career advancement to the exclusion of the marriage. Of course, we should be involved in work that is worthwhile, fulfilling and financially rewarding but over focus can put the marriage at risk.

What can happen when you put your work/career first? Your spouse may be feeling emotionally disconnected from you and lonely. There may be a buildup of resentment which can lead to anger and finally bitterness-towards you. This situation often leads to unhappiness and discord for the entire family.

As a psychologist who has worked for 20 years counseling couples in my therapy practice in North St. Paul, MN, I met with Amy and Josh with just this complaint. Amy was complaining that she was overburdened because Josh worked too much and left her with the responsibilities of home, children, and her own 40-hour job. He knew she was right but he felt defensive when she tried to tell him how to manage his work schedule. He’d started complaining that when wasn’t very affectionate lately and always blamed her disinterest in their physical intimacy on fatigue. He asked to meet with me individually after Amy had had a session to talk about her “side”of the problem. He was appreciative that she was not as naggy as she had been in the past, but he still felt blamed and criticized.

When Josh and I met, we talked of the reasons that he was spending so much time at work. The usual reasons people overwork is that they are feeling under considerable stress on the job, or may have a boss that demands long hours. Or maybe there are layoffs coming up and the less productive works are the first to go. Maybe one partner has to work long hours just to support the family. On the hand, the overworking spouse may be strongly identifying with career advancement to the exclusion of the marriage.

Drs. John and Julie Gottman, in their book 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, suggest the following questions:

1.What does your work mean to you?

2.What pleasure or satisfaction does work bring to you?

3.What need does working fulfill in your life?

4.Does your work related to some personal legacy you would like to contribute to the world?

In a discussion with Josh, he pointed out that he was trying to make headway in his career now, while he was still young and had the energy. He knew his wife was doing a good job parenting their two small children (3 years and 9 months) so he wanted to focus on earning good money for his family. At first, he couldn’t understand why Amy was complaining so much because he was doing all this work for her and their children. He felt it was his responsibility. He wanted to provide his children with a fund for their education.

I suggested he consider the questions listed above. He said that his work is very satisfying in that he felt very confident and capable at work. He also wanted to meet his father’s expectations who had had a successful career. His older two brothers had moved from job to job and he knew his father was disappointed that they had difficulty supporting their families.

It was important for Josh to understand the underlying reasons for his excessive hours at work. He did not have a demanding boss and he was in no threat of a layoff. He just wanted to do the right thing. He had not thought of himself as having value over and above that of a worker and wage earner. He resigned himself to have a discussion with Amy. He said he would try to listen carefully about what Amy was longing for when she complained to him. I suggested he try to imagine the experiences she wanted to have with him and not to focus on her criticisms.

When Amy and Josh came for the next couple’s session, they wanted to further discuss the overworking situation. (They no longer saw the problem as residing inside one of them but as a problem the two of them need to figure out.) Any was able to explain to him what she missed when he work so much. He came to get a sense that his contribution to their family was not solely a financial responsibility. He heard her tell him he was also loved, appreciated, and needed as a friend, confidant and co-parent. She especially enjoyed his easy humor with their children and felt he was the only one who would be able to provide that.

This was a difficult issue for this couple and it was not resolved quickly. They were able to discuss their needs and wants in a different way when they addressed the questions about the underlying reasons for their positions.

Organic Gardening – Watermelons Are a Summertime Favorite

Sweet, succulent watermelon grown in your own home garden are a summertime favorite. There is nothing better than there sweet, cool, refreshing and delicious taste on a hot summer day. This warm climate crop thrills with the growing growing seasons in warm climates, but there are varieties for cooler areas that will preform just fine and as tasty.

When planting, choose a location that will get full sunlight and with a good air circulation. They can grow in many different types of soil, but prefer a good healthy soil structure that is light, loose, fertile and well drained. Working in a generous amount of compost, composted manure or composed leaves into the soil will greatly benefit the soils structure for your watermelons to thrive. A soil that keeps moisture well is very important when growing watermelons, they like a steady supply of water.

Sow seeds directly into the garden once all dangers of frost have passed, soak the seeds for a half hour before planting in compost tea will help the seeds germinate. Plant on hills with 4 seeds per hill and space the hills 8 to 10 feet apart for vine type or 3 to 4 feet apart for bush type. Once the seeds have germinated remove 2 of the seedlings leaving the 2 best plants.

Watermelons are heavy feeders and need a steady supply of water, giving them a feeding of compost tea every two weeks will add the nutrients needed for your plants to thrive. Do not overdue it with nitrogen, especially once the flowers form.

Harvesting your watermelons can be a tricky task. There are three methods that can be used in figuring out if a watermelon is ripe. Look, listen and feel are what it takes to check for ripeness in a watermelon.

First sign is visual, the underside of the fruit that rests on the ground will turn a gold color or yellow straw color. Next look for the curly tendril that is attached to the vine closest to the fruit, it will be dry and brittle when a watermelon is ripe.

Second is the thump test, tap the watermelon with your knuckles and it should make a hollow sound when ripe. This method will take some practice, but once you get the feel for it you will most likely you this method the most.

Third is feel, if you run your fingers around the center of the watermelon you should feel ridges on the rind when it is ripe. This is done around the center and not from end to end or from stem to blossom. A watermelon that is not mature will be smooth.

Affiliate Prophet Strategy – Make Your Living Online

Affiliate marketing has become a staple of the cyberspace marketing scene for many years. It is highly praised as a cash cow for newbies and full-fledged marketers alike. But is it really pays to be an affiliate marketing? Let’s look for more …

Basically, affiliate marketing is an agreement between a website owner and a merchant. The owner of the site is an advertiser for the merchant or product creator. The agreement is a contract between two parties that states that the web site owner can use several methods, including space on its website to promote products merchants. Meanwhile commercial vessels agrees to pay a percent of each sale generated through subsidiaries personal bond.

This welfares both sides because the product designer is nothing to advertise their products or affiliate pays nothing to research and develop fresh products.

This makes a win-win billet.

Produced by the designer makes money from advertising, which is one of the most expensive to do business, through the costs of these subsidiaries. Basically, this is a pay for performance, because the trader does not cover all costs until the sale was made and the merchant pays the specified.

The affiliate marketing wins by being able to sell a product already developed, saving time and money in front of not having to deal with R & D and product creation. This product is already developed and tested by the merchandiser, and all you need to do as a partner, is to find as a lot of prospects as you can bring benefits for both retailers and yourself.

Another advantage of the subsidiary is that most programs are free to enter and have done so prior to the sale of marketing materials to make your experience should not be an expert.

Probably the greatest advantage of being an affiliate marketing on the Internet, the Internet itself.

Given the international reach of the cyberspace, it is very comfortable to reach 10s of 1000s of prospects for almost any type of product online. It is also very comfortable to intensify your attempts as an affiliate marketer to exploit modern and productive strategies such as viral marketing, books, special reports and automatic.

Finally, as an affiliate trafficker you to choose between different products to advertise. You are not married to a particular product or a specific product type. The risk is minimal because there is no binding long-term contracts, if a product is not for profit, you can quickly and easily replaced by another.

In all, affiliate marketing is still a great way to earn money from the Internet. Do your diligence to find a market for the hungry, finding a good product and go!

Food and Food Health

We all have passed through a phase, or are still in one where the mind still walks the streets of dilemma as to whether the salad in the afternoon can make up for the double cheese hamburger of last night. Whatever the calories gained through the chocolate pudding can be balanced through the oatmeal in breakfast.

A few years back, there was a stigma about having the perfect thin or muscular (as one prefers), flat-stomached body. There was this misconception that slim and trim is the way to look beautiful. But fortunately, this stigma and misapprehension is slowly and somehow being eliminated from the society. Today, every type of body is beautiful, whether it is a flat-stomach or a fat belly. But that does not give any of us the right to overlook the fact about eating healthy.

Eating healthy does not mean gulping down only chunks of vegetables and salads. Eating healthy does not mean being on a "diet". Eating healthy means providing the body every kind of nutrients to function properly. And it includes the Broccoli Soup one cringes to as well as the delicious classic double crust cheese-filled pepperoni pizza, everyone craves for.

REQUIREMENTS OF THE BODY

We all love eating, mainly the junk type, but sometimes realization hits us and we tend to understand that salads and vegetables and fruits are really important part of a diet. Every type of nutrient is needed to keep the body functions in its right place. Vitamins, proteins, minerals, carbohydrates, fats, roughage and water, these are the nutrients we need almost on a daily basis. I will not waste time by telling what these are and how each of them are important because this is something we all have learnt in six-grade science subject. But I do would like to mention some of the dishes that are delicious, healthy and contain all of the above nutrients in the right amount.

THE FINGER-LICKING CLASSIC CHICKEN SALTIMBOCCA

It is a delicious chicken preparation, which is roled up with prosciutto and mozzarella cheese and drenched in a tasty white wine pan sauce. It is a mouth-watering dish with the goodness of protein (found in chicken), fats (cheese) and the palatable white wine sauce. It can easily be garnished with vegetables, providing the wholesome richness of vitamins and minerals.

THE DELICIOUS UN-CHEESY POTATO BROCOLLI SOUP

The name may seem to have no part of it seem delicious- 'un-cheesy', the dreaded 'broccoli' and 'potato', but the taste seems to be contradictory It's not-so appealing name. It is a preparation which will fill the tastebuds with an explosion of flavor and its richness makes it almost hard to resist. The dish is a mixture of health and taste.

THE OH-SO YUMMY APPLE CINNAMON BREAKFAST BARS

This is the perfect preparation for all those fuzzy kids who refuse to eat any fruits. This flavorful dish is full of protein and fiber and a favorite among the children and adults alike.

THE IMPORTANCE OF FOOD HEALTH IN OUR LIFE

There is absolutely no need to state what importance food holds in the existence of an individual. As stated above, it does not matter if one is slim or fat, what matters is where the individual is eating healthy. Excess of nothing is good, especially not food. But we need to understand the right amount and the right kind of nutrients for our body needs, to stay healthy and to keep our loved ones healthy as well.